When you grow up you have a certain expectation or perception of how things are supposed to be. You expect family to be there, you expect someone to answer when you call 911, you perceive the military to be full of virtuous people and you expect to utter “till death do us part” to mean well, you will be with that person until you die…
Sometimes things shatter these expectations and perceptions. I always expected my marriage to be one of those expectations that lasted forever, but like life, shit happens. Sometimes there is good shit and sometimes there is bad shit and sometimes there is shit that no matter what happens anyway. Well, in this case, it just happened.
As mentioned before, it has been tough and since I am an emotional person, it has been extra tough. Going to work each day keeping a smile on my face and trying to be stoic only ended up kicking me in the ass in the end. It’s hard to keep life and word separate and when this happens it’s even harder. Sometimes it’s good things and sometimes it’s bad things. It just so happened that this time it was a good and bad thing. A work confrontation pushed me over the edge, though I did not do anything, it was the last straw and due to that I made the decision to just take the plunge. I made a snap decision and decided to put in my 2 week notice and pack up what I have left and move back to where I always considered home.
One cannot describe the amount of stress one gets when you are going through something like this, but when I sent off the email stating I am leaving, it was like someone removed a huge weight off of me. It’s like I can actually breath now, and of course that was gone once I thought about, WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO!? I don’t have a job and I just making a leap of faith, even if you have none.
Thankfully I have a good support system in Maine already. I have the Staples family who is like my second family. I have high school and college friends that have wandered back into my life via Facebook. (Just a suggestion for those out there, just because you leave does not mean you have to drop all contact with all of your longtime friends. That is the WORST thing to do, I am just glad I found them again). I have all I need and the job will come and the pain will subside, joy and happiness will come and best of all life will go on.
I will probably always love Christine as she will hold a space in my heart forever but somethings are just not meant to be and as much as it hurt, this is really the best for both of us.
This chapter of my life will close on June 26th, 2009 and the new chapter will begin when I drive over the Piscataqua River Bridge and welcome the embrace of home…
Tags: Family life, Friends, High School, Maine
but you never know…