Today is the same as yesterday except for all the things that have changed.
That is all, please drive through!

Dating escapades…
Part 1.
Woman contacts me via online dating resource. WE chat, go out, hit it off, spend a few weeks together and have a good time. Talk about just dating each other to see how it goes. Supposed to talk one night and she never calls. I call and text and no answer. I get a text the next day saying she left her phone at work. I believe it as she can be absent minded. Supposed to go out one night. No call no text nothing. I wonder what is going on. Finally the next day I send a text asking what is going on. Got a text back from her “Mother” and she was in a car accident and flown to Boston with life threatening injuries. She was in “portsmouth” when this happened. The next day I get a text from her and she explains what happened. Later that day I see a post on her FB wall from a guy saying that she was in an accident and hoped that she would recover soon so their life together can commence. I then get a text saying not to write anything on her FB wall because she doesnt want all of her business out there. I ention the guy and she says he is just a friend who thinks things are what they are not.

All that week I chat with her “mother” until I see her on YIM. I say “Lisa” and it’s not, it’s her Daughter. Which is weird because why isn’t she at school, and why is she only online during Lisa’s work hours (hindsight)…WE chat about all that is going on. I eventually got the name of the hospital that she is at and I call because I have not gotten a straight answer from anyone about her condition. The Hospital has no knowledge of this Lisa being in their care. I then quesitoin the “daughter” about it and she says she must be mistaken and that she was moved from one hospital to another.

Eventually I had enough of the BS talk and decided to call her work, so I call and I ask for Lisa and they say she stepped out can they take a message for her. I ask if she is in and they say yes she is…I then just say, tell her Tom called. At that point I just start laughing…I had Chip’s GF Pamela call to confirm and she got the same answer. I then log into FB and notice that both Pamela and I were defriended from her. THEN I got a text form her “Exhusband” saying that he is taking over all of her accounts and does not want anyone to contact her anymore because it is stressing her out. I then laugh and say ok…

1 week later I get a text saying she is out of the Hospital and she starts talking to me like nothing has happened. I decided to play along and my non rational side of my brain starts believing her again. Well, this lasted for 4 days. On the 4th day I see she posted something on her FB wall, which she decided to friend me again, and then noticed that she commented on “Tom’s” picture. I HAD to look at it because I am a nosy SOB. I look at it and BAM. “I love this pic of you! It makes me want to eat you up. I can’t wait till we start our life together!!!” I then look at the date and it’s a date when she was “supposedly” in the ICU at Boston Medical Center. I asked her to call me, which she did. I asked her who Tom was AGAIN and same answer and then I read what “she” had said and her answer was, My FB has been hacked. I LOL’d. She she said she had to go and she would look at it.
I sent her a screen shot of it just to see what was going on. She was incredulous that I took a screen shot and said she had enough stress in her life, she didn’t need anymore. I replied, well if you want to talk about it, call me later if not, then I take the out…And I took the Out…Which I was going to do anyway, well at least the rational side of me.

My irrational side said, why would anyone lie like that when all they had to say was see ya? I couldn’t wrap my brain around it…I guess my irrational brain sees everything with Rainbows and Unicorns…A Sucker is born every minute…

As the end of the year descends upon us I have been reflecting. Actually I reflect a lot and it’s not just due to my paleness. This year has been full of ups and downs. The ups have not been so high and the downs have been pretty low but it happens.
If you asked me a year ago what would be going on in my life it would no way resemble what it looks like right now. I could see myself living in Maine and in an IT job but there was no way I would have thought I would be single and on such an emotional roller coaster.

I started this on the 23rd. Now it’s the 26th and it ain’t any easier and yes I said AIN’T.  I was just listening to Careless Whisper, Seether’s version, and it got me thinking. Well, the lines

“We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But now who’s gonna dance with me?”

And I lost it…Heck, I am losing it now…Thank God Skid Row just popped on with 18 and Life instead of I Remember You!

AS things go through my mind they come back to that marriage is supposed to be FOR LIFE. Until Death do we part. You know that line? Was there anything I could have done to make sure it didn’t get to this point? Yes there was but I was blind to and/or ignored them. It’s a lot easier to ignore things and sweep them under the rug and just pretend they don’t exist that is until you are forced to deal with them and at that point they could destroy the nice little utopia you have going on in your mind. I know I shouldn’t beat myself up over it, but when I have been preaching COMMUNICATION and then don’t follow that, what does that say? It says I was a douche and human…

I realize that things could have been different and should have been different but it didn’t quite work out like that. I can accept that in time until that happens there will probably be tears and doubts and self pity. I am not the Rock of Gibraltar and never claimed to be and even if I were, rocks break down over time…I guess the one thing that makes it harder is that I don’t hate Christine, in fact I still care about her and dare I say I love her very much. She will always have a place in my heart and that is what hurts the most. INSERT FUCK BEANS HERE.

LOL! Now I sit here laughing reading over what I am writing and wondering if I ever had a coherent thought and if I did could I string them together into a coherent paragraph, essay, story whatever…I got a bunch of stories that are doozies that would make the Movie of the Week seem like an afterschool special.

December 29th…It’s early still…You’re almost here…A date I look forward too and despise at the same time…It’s moving towards me at a blazing speed…something I would never have guessed last year at this time. A year…A unit in time where almost anything can happen. Even that which you least expect…2009. End of a decade…End of one of the shittiest years of my life…

More later…

It’s almost over…It’s bittersweet and my emotions are mixed…

Estranged by Guns N Roses

When you’re talkin to yourself
And nobody’s home
You can fool yourself
You came in this world alone
(Alone)

So nobody ever told you baby
How it was gonna be
So what’ll happen to you baby
Guess we’ll have to wait and see
One, two

Old at heart but I’m only 28
And I’m much too young
To let love break my heart
Young at heart but it’s getting much too late
To find ourselves so far apart

I don’t know how you’re s’posed
To find me lately
An what more could you ask from me
How could you say that I never needed you
When you took everything
Said you took everything from me

Young at heart an it gets so hard to wait
When no one I know can seem to help me now
Old at heart but I musn’t hesitate
If I’m to find my own way out

Still talkin’ to myself and nobody’s home
(Alone)

So nobody ever told us baby
How it was gonna be
So what’ll happen to us baby
Guess we’ll have to wait and see

When I find out all the reasons
Maybe I’ll find another way
Find another day
With all the changing seasons of my life
Maybe I’ll get it right next time
An now that you’ve been broken down
Got your head out of the clouds
You’re back down on the ground
And you don’t talk so loud
An you don’t walk so proud
Any more, and what for

Well I jumped into the river too many times
to make it home
I’m out here on my own, an drifting all alone
If it doesn’t show give it time
To read between the lines
‘Cause I see the storm getting closer
And the waves they get so high
Seems everything We’ve ever known’s here
Why must it drift away and die

I’ll never find anyone to replace you
Guess I’ll have to make it thru, this time
Oh this time
Without you

I knew the storm was getting closer
And all my friends said I was high
But everything we’ve ever known’s here
I never wanted it to die

Thus a test to see if I can post from my iPhone.